Weather is always a good external way to see some change. It’s been so beautiful out the past few days; temperatures in the mid 70’s, birds chirping all day, the sun sticking around well past six. The physical change is more obvious than the small voices inside our heads that we tend to ignore; the ones that tell us it’s time to move on, or begin something new, or simply see something in an unusual way. The seasons know when it is time and will simply change. It’s us that has the difficulty.
I drove to a friend’s house this morning; picked up some bagels and packed some wine for her and her husband. I usually need to go into Jersey for everything and it was pleasant going West this time. The long, back roads on the way to her house weren’t kept up with and the pavement turned red for some reason on a particularly long stretch. I liked it. I liked going in this different direction. I was able to press the windows down and smell Pennsylvania; grass, soil, and fireplace. This new world is here, waiting for me.
I have lived by a different code for many years, working and living in New Jersey. It’s a great place for lots of things and I wouldn’t turn in my membership card for anything, but there is something to be said for a different perspective. It was more than refreshing driving past fields of grass without a Quick Chek in sight. It’s a wonderful something to see a mother raising her children without guilt of going back to a “classic” job. Just like the weather, coming in slow from the cold temperatures, my mind slowly wraps it’s way around a new idea: There is much more. So much more. I must unfurl myself from the tightly wound and plated metal thinking of Before.
I don’t exactly know what is to come for me. I have a rough outline, of course, but there are details I have yet to figure out. This winter seemed like an endless test of endurance; demolition to our house, pregnancy, FREEZING temperatures and only electric base heat in our bedroom (more about that later), and no access to the outside unless you wanted to experience some real cold. It’s the weather that reminded me that it won’t always be so chilly.
Without becoming religious, because that’s not my deal, spring really is a time for renewal. It’s a gentle reminder that the cold will pass, that things can turn, that change is always on our side.
I like having my own little Manifest Destiny within my realm of Pennsylvania. A little western expansion for myself. There’s plenty of roads left for me to drive down, lots of bagels to eat with friends, many ways to embrace the change that I am scared of and excited for at the same time.